


Nights Like These

by Fae_Fiction



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Dirk Gently Angst, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Lovesickness, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Dirk Gently, Oblivious Todd Brotzman, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Todd Brotzman is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27639170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fae_Fiction/pseuds/Fae_Fiction
Summary: It's no secret that Todd is bad at feelings. Bad at expressing them, bad at handling them. Really bad at handling them.Because Dirk has a boyfriend. A boyfriend who isn't Todd. And it tears him apart.All he ever feels any more is hopelessness.And tonight was no different.Until it was.It was about to be VERY different.
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	Nights Like These

**Author's Note:**

> I did it. I wrote something out of the timeline!

It was nights like these where Todd didn’t like to think. He wished he was incapable of thinking. Screw that, he wished he didn’t love him. 

He’d never been in love before and oh how he wishes he wasn’t right now. 

Because this sucked. It hurt like hell. 

Having to see him every day. See his beautiful smile and perfect eyes and know that he didn’t love him back.

Being in love with Dirk was one thing a month ago. 

He always knew he liked him, well, not always, but when he realized he was in  _ love _ with him… That was another story. 

He felt like he was walking on air when he realized it. He realized how lucky he was to have him in his life and how happy he made him.

He even started flirting with him, to no avail but he still did.

And it felt right. One day he would get the courage to ask him out. 

But before that day came… the worst day of his life came. 

He got a boyfriend.

A boyfriend that wasn’t Todd.

  
  


And ever since then it’s been “Brett this, Brett that,” and he wanted to punch that bastard right in the nose!

… But he made Dirk happy. And so Todd was happy if he was happy.

Scratch that. Todd was very unhappy. 

He wanted to die every time Brett kissed Dirk, he wanted to cry every time he saw them holding hands, he wanted to punch the wall when he heard the exchange of pet-names, he wanted to scream every time smiled at his phone after getting a text from him.

He was miserable. He had gone from being depressed before Dirk to being the happiest in his life to being happier to being even more depressed and it was horrible.

So yes, he thought about this every night. What made this night worse than the other nights, what made this night “nights like these”?

It was date night. 

The night of the week where he wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. 

So he did. 

And he sobbed.

And to make matters worse, his episodes have always been more emotionally fueled so “date night” was always a reliable alarm clock for his body to betray him. 

And to make matters  _ even  _ worse, it was their one month anniversary, and Dirk was all excited about their big date.

So he had to buckle up for a long, sleepless, painful, night.

And his first attack of the night was over.

He sat on the bathroom floor, huddled in the corner between the sink cabinet and the wall, shaking violently as his post-attack nerves calmed down. Breathing heavily as tears streamed down his hot face, head whirring.

And it was only 10:00.

It was only 10:00 when he heard a knock on his door. 

Stumbling, he stood up and wiped his eyes on his flannel sleeve as he approached the door.

And he was ready to kill a bitch when he saw who was on the other side of the door, sobbing.

“Oh my god, Dirk what happened? Are you ok?” 

He flung himself into Todd’s arms. “He pulled a Warner, Todd,” he choked between tears.

“He pulled a what?” Todd stood flabbergasted, not quite sure on whether or not he should return the hug, but then he did, Dirk needed him.

“Like that musical, Pink Lawyer.”

“Oh, you mean Legally Blonde? And that was a movie before it was a musical.”

“But I like the musical better. I like the song _'Gay or_ _European'_ , it's like a song about me.”

“Whatever you say, Dirk. What happened, what do you mean he pulled a Warner?” And then it hit him, “Oh my god, he didn’t!”

“ _ Mmhmm _ ,” Dirk gave a sad, affirmative hum and nodded into Todd’s shoulder.

“On your anniversary?! THAT DICK!”

Dirk laughed slightly.

“What-” Todd wasn’t good at this, in fact, he was very bad at this. “What do you need?”

Dirk pulled back and looked at Todd confused. His eyes red, swollen, and glossy. He hated seeing him like this. He wanted to hold him until the end of time and make sure he was never upset again. The things he was going to say to Brett- but he needed to focus on Dirk right now.

“I mean, you came to me for a reason, right? What do you need?”

He stood silent for a moment, not really understanding the question. In all honesty, his brain couldn’t process much at the moment. “Right, why I’m here, um, yes! I-” he sighed, “I don’t know. Universe said I should come here.”

_ Damn you universe, _ Todd thought. 

“Ok.” His mind shuffled around the possible answers to this. In the past he would have made some flirty joke like, “ _ oh, the universe wanted you to be  _ here _ , huh? _ ” or something or other but he wasn’t past Todd. He was present Todd and he would be there for Dirk. And he doubted the universe actually wanted that to be honest. He would always just be friends with Dirk. Hopelessly and endlessly. “Come in then, want to talk?”

“Maybe,” he sniffed as he walked in. “I don’t know. I just want to be here.” He paused for a moment. “Do you have any tea?”

Todd smiled, “Always.” He walked over to the kitchenette and dug through the pantries as Dirk sat down. “What type?”

Dirk beamed, “You have more than one type? You don’t even like tea.”

Todd had started keeping tea around in case of situations like these. Not break-ups specifically, he hadn’t planned for those, but any situation where Dirk needed some comfort. And he didn’t know what Dirk preferred so he just bought a lot of different types.

“Yeah, what type?”

“I don’t know. Do you have lemon? Sour tea to fit my sour mood.” He sunk into the sofa. 

“Don’t be like that, Dirk.” He heated up a mug of water in the microwave, receiving a wince from Dirk but he was just happy Todd was trying. “I’m assuming you want milk and sugar in it?”

“Yes, please.” Todd chuckled. 

He put the teabag in the mug and grabbed the milk carton, a spoon, and the sugar and clumsily carried it all back to the couch. 

“Thank you, Todd.” He smiled through his pooling grey-blue eyes.

They sat like that for a while. Staring at the wall. A million thoughts flooding through their heads.

The main one in Todd’s head? He was going to fucking kill Brett. He should have fucking known, with a name like Brett. And his stupid books, and his stupid sweater vests, and his stupid perfect hair, and his stupid collection of snobby tea. Now that he thinks about it he was really perfect for Dirk, Dirk didn’t want some punk-reject. He wanted an elegant refined man, not a scrumpy hobbit asshole of a man. NO! Brett was a dick. An absolute dick and he hurt Dirk. No one hurts Dirk on Todd’s watch. Not unless they want to get killed. 

It wasn’t like he couldn’t do it. He could blame it on a holistic situation next case. Yes, brilliant. He would find some way to drag him into it push him into the danger. It was perfect, foolproof, and oh my fucking god was he really plotting a murder right now? He needed to focus on Dirk. Who had just started crying again, oh god he was bad at this. 

Todd looked over to him. He sat rigidly. The warm mug in his hands, somewhat of a grounding stim, his head tucked into his chest as his tears fell. 

He cleared his throat and nervously spoke up. “Need to talk about it? Sometimes venting helps.”

Dirk bit his lip and wordlessly nodded before turning to Todd.

“It was a stupid reason, really,” he sniffled.

“Any reason to break up with someone as amazing as you is stupid in my books.” Dirk smiled. Smiling was good.

“No. There are plenty of good reasons. I’m annoying, I talk too much, I’m dangerous, I’m an idiotic fool-”

“Stop with all the negative talk,” Todd said sternly.

“But it really was a stupidly stupid reason.  I… I was telling him the story of our cases-”

“Ooo which one?”

“The Coconut Caper.” He set the mug down on the coffee table with the rest of the stuff Todd had brought out.

“That was a fun one,” They laughed for a moment reminiscing on it. The Coconut Caper was one of their more… well…  _ heated _ cases. There was a lot of tension there on both their parts, but both of them only recognized his own feelings and was completely oblivious as to the other’s.

“So I was telling him the story and out of nowhere, he got mad! He said… he said he was tired of hearing about you.”

_ What? _

“That it’s always ‘Todd, this and Todd, that’ and he was sick of it. And- and,” he stuttered to get the words out. “And said he was sick of it, and that it was all I ever talked about and- and,” He fell into Todd’s shoulder, covering his face with his hands. Regretting what he was about to say before he even said it, but Todd asked so he would say it. He would play it off as if it wasn’t true. “He said he thought I was in love with you… and then he dumped me!”

A question burned into the back of Todd’s mind. A question he knew he shouldn’t ask for fear of losing everything, and pushing Dirk farther than he needed tonight... But the question remained, it refused to leave. It wasn’t going to go away unless he asked. 

So Todd made the rash decision to ask said question, a decision he knew as the sentence formed out of his mouth he would later regret as he already knew the answer but something told him he didn’t know the full truth. He needed the full truth. He needed all of it. 

And so he asked the question.

“Dirk,  _ do _ you love me?” His voice shook like the after-shock in a house seated across the street from a quarry. His face burning hot, his own eyes filling with salty betrayal. 

“Uh-buh-buh-buh,” He sat up abruptly, straightening himself out, his mouth flapped like a fish. “What an odd question, Todd.” Dirk sat back up with a very bad look of hiding the truth. Todd almost let the corners of his mouth upturn. He thought he knew the answer, and he thought it might be the one he wanted after all of this time. 

“Dirk, answer the question.” His voice slowly losing its tough persona.

“You see, it’s a very complex answer, that question, Todd.”

“Answer the goddamn question!”

“Ok  _ fine _ . You want the truth? Here’s the truth! I’m in love with you... I always have been but I know you don’t love me and so that’s why I started dating Brett.” 

“Dirk-” His voice even softer now, a pang in his chest, heartbreaking at the thought of Dirk not knowing and feeling the way he did, knowing Dirk felt all of the pain Todd did.

“LET ME FINISH. I thought if I dated someone else I would forget about you and stop loving you but the truth is I can’t.” He started crying, again. “I can’t forget you. I can’t, Todd. I’m sorry-”

“Dirk-” More insistent.

“SHUT UP FOR ONE BLOODY FUCKING MINUTE AND LET ME FUCKING GET THIS OVER WITH BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKING HARD!”  _ Woah _ . He shouted at the top of his lungs before returning to normal, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Half apologizing for freaking out and half apologizing for his feelings. “I am. I can’t help it, I can’t help that I love you but I do.”

He sped up almost incoherently, vomiting out words, not caring if he was repeating himself or saying things that didn’t make sense. Let him choose his words and tone for this ok? Like he said, this was hard. “Just promise me, promise me you won’t leave because I don’t think I could take it because honestly you saved my life in so many ways not only physical and I couldn’t bear if you left so promise me you won't leave and I don’t care if you aren’t my best friend anymore just don’t drop off the face of the earth and promise me-”

“Dirk-”

“SHUT UP, TODD.”

“I LOVE YOU!”

Dirk jolted back, not quite sure if he heard Todd right. If his mind was playing tricks on him, if Todd was playing tricks on him.

“Oh, now you’re just being cruel.” His voice accusatory.

“No, I do!” His voice defensive.

“You’re just saying that to shut me up. Because I’m annoying and stupid and-”

“What did I say about saying that about yourself?” 

“Not to.” He pouted, “But you don’t. I think I would have figured that out by now.”

“I didn’t figure it out”

“Yes, but you’re just saying that. How do I know you love me?”

Todd smiled. The first time he smiled that night. 

“Because I do. Because you changed me. You made me a better person. And my life was boring before I knew you. And it sucked. And I know that doesn’t mean much but this does. And I wish you could see yourself like I do. The amazing, kind, wonderfully-crazy, funny and, not going to lie, sexy man you are.” Dirk chuckled and hid his face. “I want you to know that you make my life better. You give me a meaning and purpose I didn’t have before. You make me happy, Dirk. You make me so happy. And I hope that’s enough for you to know that I do love you and I’m not just ‘saying it’.”

“I’m sorry, Todd.” He looked up, holding back more tears. This was a night very much filled with tears.

Todd shook his head confused, “For what?”

“For yelling, and assuming you were lying.”

“Nah, I get it. I’m an asshole. I wouldn’t believe me either.”

“Ok, if I’m not allowed to say I’m stupid and annoying you  _ definitely _ aren’t allowed to call yourself an asshole. We both know how I feel about you calling yourself that.”

“Ok, how about dickhead?” He laughed and Dirk playfully shoved him. 

“That might be worse.”

All of the anxiety was slowly wearing off, and it left them in a quiet moment. 

A very quiet moment.

Too quiet.

They stared at each other, smiling. Heat rising to their faces, ok maybe they were just too angry and sad to notice it earlier but they were both made suddenly aware of their red faces. 

“God, this is awkward,” Dirk mumbled as he twiddled with his thumbs. 

“Yep,” Todd replied.

Silent again. 

How did they manage that?

And then Dirk realized something. 

Something big.

His eyes widened and Todd immediately recognized the expression. Dirk had figured something out. Something holistic.

And before Todd had any time to respond. Any time to process…

Dirk’s mouth was on his.

He leapt forward, not thinking, much like he did with everything in his life. He never thought. Ever. It was quite relaxing actually. 

Unaware of his brute force, that combined with Todd’s shock had sent them spiraling backwards into the couch. Todd’s eyes wide.

And all he could think, well, no, he couldn’t think. All he could  _ feel _ was, “ _ Oh my god this is actually happening! Is this happening? It better be fucking happening, and holy shit his lips are soft- _ ” Soft despite the fact that the kiss was awkwardly aggressive and very quick. It all happened in about a second. One second before Dirk realized what he had done.

He pulled back extremely suddenly, but still hovering over Todd as the couch swallowed him whole, cheeks fire-engine red, spilling out his words in a perfectly Dirk-y way. 

“Oh-my-god-I’m-so-sorry-I-didn't-ask-first-and-I-didn't-think-and-I-just-did-and-did-I-just-mess-up-did-I-misjudge-the-situation-I’m-so-stupid-and-oh-no-am-I-squishing-you?!”

And Todd just smiled and grabbed the sides of his jacket, pulling his face back down to his, and he kissed him. This time properly. 

And Dirk melted at the touch. This was nothing like kissing Brett, this felt right, safe, home. Like the entire universe had been preparing for this moment. 

It started soft and slow, meant to show Dirk how much he meant everything he said, how much he loved him. And then he started to realize that it was finally happening, and he hungered for more, and Dirk obliged, sending their kiss deeper and deeper. Fully enveloping themselves in each other, in this perfect kiss, this perfect moment. This moment where everything was as it was supposed to be for once. 

All they could think of was each other and how for the love of God had they not done this sooner.

Breathless, Todd pulled back and moved his arms around Dirk’s neck, and looked fondly into his eyes.

“I-I think… I think I know why the universe wanted me to come here.” Dirk breathed with a wide smile brandishing his swollen, pink lips.

Todd laughed, “You think?”

  
  



End file.
